


No Holds Barred

by Rookmoon



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Bad Romance, Because it's terrible, Boss Meddles for reasons only known to himself, Drinking, F/M, Interspecies Romance, Reader didn't ask for this shit, Sans Is A Dick, Swearing, Underfell Sans (Undertale), Walk Into A Bar, kind of, there's a fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 12:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18073376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rookmoon/pseuds/Rookmoon
Summary: Sans gets kicked out of the house with orders to get a girlfriend. He ends up at a bar full of humans.He picks a girl, and a fight. No one is surprised at all.





	No Holds Barred

     Sans scans the new bar. He isn’t entirely sure what he’s looking for, but he knows it’s either a hookup or a hookup. Boss has been harping on him to find someone to at least date for the last few weeks, and he still has no clue why. Guess Boss thinks it’ll get him to shape up or some shit like that. If Boss cared to actually tell him. He was never one to turn Boss down when he was ordered to go drink and “mingle”. That’s something he’s pretty good at, all things considered. That still leaves out Grillby’s though. He figures that his chances would be better where not every patron knows what he looks like and, more importantly, who he is.

     That’s the sole reason he isn’t sitting in Grillby’s right now getting drunk off his ass like he usually would on a night like this.

     Sans is eyeing a girl in a little black number and bright makeup. It’s obvious she’s here for attention. Going by the guys that are flocking around her, it’s working. He’d fuck with that, but it would probably take too much effort. His eyes wander until he spots a guy leaning over another girl he had been eyeing before. She looks uncomfortable. The guy keeps looking her up and down while getting closer and closer.

     In all honesty, Sans might have done the same thing if he was drunk enough, but he wasn’t about to make anybody uncomfortable around a place like this. Shockingly, that was the best thing to do if he wanted trouble from guys like himself. Gives him an excuse to fight someone, if that asswipe plays his cards right. Think what you will, but Sans would at least like to think he’s a good guy when he needs to be. Helps him feel better about himself and shit like that.

     He downs the rest of his drink, muttering about how it doesn’t burn the same way Grillby’s booze does. It goes down much too easily.

     By the time he wanders over to the pair, the guy is letting his hands wander over the girl’s shoulders, and down her arms. She looks like she wants to deck him. Man, he’d love to see that. The chances of her straight up punching the guy are slim to none, and he doesn’t like those odds. Not even Lesser Dog would take that bet, and the mutt’s a fuckin’ idiot.

     So, he sidles up to her other side, and gives her a wink before shifting a sharp glare at the guy who’s trying to coax her into a “dance” with him.

     “sup pal. long time no see. how’ ya been?” He blinks down at the human girl. Hopefully she knows he’s here to help and not make it worse.

     “I-”

     “Yo. Get your own bitch, dude. This one’s taken.” The guy’s meaty hands curl around her body as he leans towards Sans. Damn. Cuntbag’s breath is nasty. Smells like something drowned in booze, crawled down his throat and died there.

     The girl rolls her eyes and shrugs his arm off of her shoulder. He tries to put it back, but the girl curls herself so it can’t get a good spot without effort on his part. Asshole lets his arm rest on her chair instead.

     “need a hand wit’ ‘im, doll?”

     The girl looks at him, back at the table, and nods just the tiniest bit. That’s all the okay Sans needs to start something.

     His sharp eyes go back to the fucknugget behind her and glares. “so. pal. why’re ya messin’ with m’ ol’ pal here?”

     “She doesn’t know you.” He slurs. He reaches over her to grab at a glass on the counter. It sloshes onto the pristine countertop.

     “how’d ya figure tha’?”

     “You just wanna fuck her. But you can’t have her cause you ain’t got no dick. Skeleton.” Jackwagon just smiles like he won something. He ain’t wrong, but he ain’t gonna like what he’s gettin’ anyhow.

     Damn, this guy knows just what to say to piss him off. Not like this dumbass would know better anyhow.

     “ya’d be surprised. too bad ya ain’t gonna get tha’ show tonigh’. er ever. ma’ bones are off limits. a can a’ whoop-ass on the other hand, tha’ ya can have.”

     Sans stands up, and pulls the guy closer to him. “now. yer gonna leave her alone, er i’ll start somethin’ ya won’t wanna finish.”

     “‘M not fuckin scared of you, cunt!”

     Sans lets his eyes go dark. “ya should be.” He rests a hand on the guy’s shoulder before he can react and ‘ports them to an alley out back.

     Enraged and disoriented, the guy takes a swing at Sans. He dodges easily. Another punch. Poorly placed. Dodge. Sans is bored. This guy is pathetic. He thought this would be fun. He wants to end this. A single red bone appears in his hands and he smacks the guy’s knee with it. Something pops. Dicksucker crumbles.

     Sans leaves him on the alley floor, screaming his pain over the pounding club music. Sans is five steps away. He doesn’t hear a thing. It’s an easy fight. Sans wonders if he should even call it that.

     He ‘ports to where he was standing before and finds the terrified eyes of the girl still on where he and the asshole were before.

     “What was that?”

     “a little trick i like ta call saving yer ass, sweetheart. now, how’s abou’ a drink fer the two a’ us?”

     She waves down the bartender, and the two of them talk the night away.

     Turns out, Sans doesn’t mind that new club. He got to drink and kick ass. Two of his favorite pastimes, and he got a girl out of it as well. She's surprisingly intelligent, and loves his shitty jokes to boot. It seems like a shitty beginning to a less shitty life. Sans can’t wait.


End file.
